Pursing Retaliation

It seems perfectly obvious to me that the outrageous spike in coffee prices has several causes.

 First, there is the attempt by Starbucks to monopolize the middle-class upward to lower-upper-class the national customer base. This includes students. 

Second, there is a syndicate of tea companies trying to improve their economic positions by defeating the coffee industry. 

Third, there is the fear of the tariffs the next president will impose on coffee growers, whether intranational or international. They are seeking to get as much done before he becomes president as possible.  The by-then president will show no interest in taxing tea, no doubt because of His long-trumpeted allegiance to British industry. (Also, He has shown no interest in taxing Coke, Pepsi,  Dr. Pepper, and bodily substances he believes are most especially suitable for the poor.)

Fourth, there is the war against the cut-throat competition amongst companies selling cleaning devices and liquids designed to “clear up” computers when creamed coffee is spilled on and into them. 

Fifth, there is the conspiracy led by Marjorie Taylor Greene to destroy the spirit and energy to be found amongst “Progressives,” and other disfavored so-called “ethnikk” groups, such as tattooed biker criminal defense lawyers, who are sober and clear for 30 days or more. 

Clearly, one of the first forms of retaliation for those under attack must be a “Tea+ Party,” though it should not be held in Boston. I recommend the area of the country where the most coffee is grown and drunk. This might be Texas. All dedicated coffee drinkers are invited, although compulsive coffee-iers who are stuck in certain – here nameless – addictions may wish to find a nearby McDonald’s since thermos containers of coffee will contain required consumption by all those in attendance.* The price will be $1.37 per cup, and there will be no free refills. The price of thermos “bottles” (not including coffee), all of which will be called recyclable, has as yet to be determined; of course, for sure, they will not be free, except for the ones that say something profoundly ugly about somebody objectively identifiable as hateful. (That last characteristic will be determined after the party by a Quinn with rewards to be sent by mail or email at some point later and to addresses to be specified, if at all, at the discretion of those doing whatever sending that may be done. “Text” addresses will not be used.)

Mike,   
The Emeritus
Formerly of the Professoriate